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The Worst Songs on the Radio this Summer

  • Jul 7, 2017
  • 4 min read

I love the summer time partly because so much new music is released. Some of it is good, but some of it is so awful that I'd rather listen to static on the radio. I'm not even kidding- I did that this morning. Not all of these songs are new, but they've all been on the radio in the past week, which is when I started collecting notes on the worst songs of the summer. Here we go:

Katy Perry Witness

Swish Swish by Katy Perry: I couldn’t believe this was a real song the first time I heard it. I thought Ryan Seacrest had Katy Perry in the studio to make up a song on the spot for a commercial break. But sadly, no, it’s a real song. The first lines of the song (They know what is what | But they don't know what is what) already make no sense. They're a direct contradiction, and not in a poetic or intellectual way, like "It was the best of times; it was the worst of times..."

The only part that makes this song somewhat bearable is Nicki Minaj’s rap verse, but even that’s a stretch. I just can’t take Katy Perry seriously. I get the old saying: ‘a tiger doesn’t lose sleep over the opinion of sheep’, but where did the shellfish come from? Also, the basketball reference is stupid. Neither Katy, nor Taylor Swift (who we all know this song is about) actually plays basketball. This is about as far from a slam-dunk as you can get.

Sorry Katy, but actually, “You're 'bout as cute as an old coupon expired”. Go back to making summer pop songs that people can listen to without laughing at. And don’t even get me started on the rest of her album- it’s awful. It actually makes me sad that she hyped up her album so much, just to release trash.

Rihanna

Love on the Brain by Rihanna: Don't get me wrong, Rihanna is a queen. I love her music and respect her as an artist. However, that being said, the word ‘brain’ makes me think of anatomy. And I kind of don’t like the saying ‘love on the brain’. Why couldn’t she just say ‘love on my mind?’. It’s an awkward phrase and I dislike the song because of it.

Tim McGraw

Humble and kind by Tim McGraw: I actually don’t know why I hate this song so much. It’s supposed to be a nice song, and I love country music, but something about it just irks me. I’ve been instantly annoyed by this song since the first time I heard it. I'm so sorry Tim McGraw, I really wanted to like it... but I just don't.

Sugarland

Stuck Like Glue by Sugarland: This is the worst song to ever grace the earth, and I’m a big Sugarland fan. There’s actually a reason behind it, though. In 7th and 8th grade P.E. class, we had to run “The Mile” every Friday. It was the most awful part of my entire week and I hated every minute of it. It doesn’t help that I had the same P.E. teacher both years, and- bless his heart- he did not once update his running music playlist. He would BLAST this song over the school speakers at the start of every “Fun Run” and it would signal the beginning of my demise. Dressed in my oversized grey Hanes t-shirt with our school logo and hideous blue basketball shorts, I began every Friday P.E. class with this awful tune. I honestly despise this song because it would get stuck in my head as I tried to run the mile in less than 9 minutes (which never happened, by the way. It’s not my fault that I was never a good runner). I really hope Mr. Y has updated his music since then, but I seriously doubt he has. Great guy, terrible music choice. Mr. Y, if you're reading this, please, PLEASE make a new playlist for those poor middle schoolers that have to suffer the so-called 'fun run'.

Jason Derulo

Want to Want Me by Jason Derulo: This song frustrated me because I always thought the lyrics were: ‘Girl, you know what? I want to want me”, and it would make me so angry because it made no sense. BUT- I just looked up the real lyrics, and it actually says: “girl you're the one I want to want me”, which actually does make sense. You barely escaped this one, Jason Derulo.

Anything with sirens: Just makes me think I'm getting arrested. Even when I'm driving the speed limit. Even when I'm doing nothing wrong. It scares me, like, do I need to pull over? Is there an ambulance? Oh, no, its just Lil Yachty rapping. #annoyed.

What are the worst songs you've heard on the radio recently? Do people even still listen to the radio anymore? The only reason I do is because I can't figure out how to connect my phone to my mom's audio system in her car. And yes, I drive my mom's car now. Note to future self: Don't lease a car in high school because you'll be SOL in college.

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