Why I'm Single
A couple months ago, I was minding my own business, having fun and finishing up my second year of college. I met a new group of guy friends, and I was genuinely enjoying hanging out with them. Then, the dreaded day came. I don't mind answering the questions: do you have a boyfriend / are you seeing anyone / are you dating? But when that question was probed deeper by my new found friend, I panicked.
"Why are you single?"
It's not that I hadn't joked about the answer a million times with my girl friends, like the time(s) we scarf down Jimmy Johns or a pizza at 2am and proclaim: "this is why we don't get dates!" and laugh about it the next day.
It's just that I never actually thought about the real answer to that question. I didn't know how to answer. Why was I single, and why am I still?
It's a tougher question than most might think. Sure, we can play it off and sarcastically answer with witty sayings, but that's just masking the deeper answer- which is a whole lot scarier.
I really do believe in love, and I've experienced it in past relationships. The hardest part of being single is knowing what I'm missing out on. I really do miss having someone by my side supporting me and loving me no matter what. It makes me question the old saying, "better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all." Is it really better? I appreciate the love I've felt, but knowing that feeling is out there, and knowing what it's like to experience it, only makes me want it more.
So, why haven't I just fallen in love with every guy I meet? The real answer is that I'm picky. I don't mean picky as in, 'he has to check off every item on a certain list'; I mean picky as in, he has to be worth it. Worth the work, the effort, the patience, the growth. And I simply have not met anyone who is worth it yet. I haven't met someone who asks me on a real date instead of asking me to come over and watch a movie at 10pm. To me, that shows disrespect. I want someone who makes an effort to see me, not just when there's nothing else to do. As I've gotten older and wiser (I think?), I've learned to spot the difference between a guy who wants to build a relationship, and a guy who wants a fun fling. There's nothing wrong with flings, but that's just not what I'm looking for.
I pray for my future husband every day. It may sound crazy, but I trust that God will place a guy in my life when He knows we're both ready for it. I'm a strong and independent girl, but I also love romance and relationships. Those two things are not conflicting. I'm slowly learning that day by day.
So, no, I'm not single because of my flaws or my late night snacking (oops). It's by choice, but not by my choice. By fate's choice. And that, my friends, is good enough for me. Plus, if all else fails, at least we'll always have dogs.
xx